Fallout: Siblings,Cry for Help

I just found this in my drafts, I can’t believe I never posted it.  It’s rather like old information, not really current, but it is what it is.

I don’t remember how it began, but I think the tussle was over school work.  Dolorosa, didn’t want to complete a science lab and spirally further and further out of control.  The more we tried to calm her down the more she became exacerbated.  She was running about, screaming, “don’t hurt me” almost like she was going mad.  

Then I saw her slide a paper off my desk and head to the shredder.  It was stuck between two books for me to find it.  You have to understand that my desk is a dump all so the chances of me finding that paper within a day or two was slim, I think that troubles me the most.  Fortunately, I had the wherewithal to stop her from shredding the paper, even thought I wasn’t sure what was on it.  She, trembling, gave me the picture that she made and what you see below is it:

Do you have any idea how much I was leveled when I saw what she wrote?  After sitting down with her and speaking with her, she expressed how she wished she could die.  My 11 year old.  Wants to die.  Now I don’t think it’s a literal wish to kill herself, and she’s said that she doesn’t really want to hurt herself, but I think the expression of her heart is that she would rather die than continue the path that she is on.  

She is so continually afraid that Vale is going to die that she seems to be beside herself.  She sits next to Vale during the school day, so when he wears a t shirt she sees his scarred arms, and that troubles her quite a bit.  She has a very sensitive soul, so those scars are a constant reminder of the distress that Vale is in.

Yes, of all my children, Dolorosa is the most dramatic.  Yes, of all of them she would be the most sensitive, she can’t watch Monsters, Inc. because it’s too frightening for her.  But still…to have such a heavy impact.  Vale’s perp damaged that precious child so badly, but he’s damaged so many other people as well.  It’s as if he shot Vale with scatter shot, and we are all collateral damage.  

Introducing…

…two more siblings.  Vale has 5 siblings and you’ve met Payne already.  Well two more siblings want to come aboard and have picked out names for themselves.

Grey:  Grey was the artist of that picture that I posted a week or so ago that the he drew during family art therapy.  Grey shares a bedroom with Vale… Grey is the one who dreams dreams.  He’s 13, totally into Legos, BIONICLES and all things building.  He has a quiet and introspective mind that picks up far more than I wish.  He is not as outwardly demonstrative of his support of Vale, like Payne is, but he carries the burden in his heart.  I often hear him give Vale encouraging words.  I’ve asked him why he chose the name Grey and his answer is, “my own personal reasons”.  So there you have it.

Dolorosa:  I’m gunna call her D for short.  D picked out this name because she said it meant ‘sorrowing’ and the fact that she researched it tells you a little about her.  Dolorosa is my drama queen, cries at a drop of a hat and is super sensitive.  She misses how things were with Vale and tries not to make a fuss and draw my attention away from him by getting lost in her mini obsessions which are currently Star Trek, Star Wars, The Hunger Games and Les Miserables.  D loves fiercely and is equally devoted as well.  She’s 3 years younger than Vale (11) and her personality often clashes with his, she’s very vivid where he is blank, but he knows she’d bleed for him.  Dolorosa will fight tooth and nail with Vale concerning his sexual abuse, but his eating disorder and cutting are harder for her because she’s so sensitive.  She still struggles looking at his scars.  She tends to drive Payne crazy.  But siblings will do that right?

Maybe they’ll write a post or two.

Introducing…

…two more siblings.  Vale has 5 siblings and you’ve met Payne already.  Well two more siblings want to come aboard and have picked out names for themselves.

Grey:  Grey was the artist of that picture that I posted a week or so ago that the he drew during family art therapy.  Grey shares a bedroom with Vale… Grey is the one who dreams dreams.  He’s 13, totally into Legos, BIONICLES and all things building.  He has a quiet and introspective mind that picks up far more than I wish.  He is not as outwardly demonstrative of his support of Vale, like Payne is, but he carries the burden in his heart.  I often hear him give Vale encouraging words.  I’ve asked him why he chose the name Grey and his answer is, “my own personal reasons”.  So there you have it.

Dolorosa:  I’m gunna call her D for short.  D picked out this name because she said it meant ‘sorrowing’ and the fact that she researched it tells you a little about her.  Dolorosa is my drama queen, cries at a drop of a hat and is super sensitive.  She misses how things were with Vale and tries not to make a fuss and draw my attention away from him by getting lost in her mini obsessions which are currently Star Trek, Star Wars, The Hunger Games and Les Miserables.  D loves fiercely and is equally devoted as well.  She’s 3 years younger than Vale (11) and her personality often clashes with his, she’s very vivid where he is blank, but he knows she’d bleed for him.  Dolorosa will fight tooth and nail with Vale concerning his sexual abuse, but his eating disorder and cutting are harder for her because she’s so sensitive.  She still struggles looking at his scars.  She tends to drive Payne crazy.  But siblings will do that right?

Maybe they’ll write a post or two.

A favorite

No.. it’s not a post about fallout, like I said I was going to write.. still going to do this.  But I thought I would post something slightly different.

Vale and his “twin” Payne are close.  The twin is in quotes because they aren’t really twins.  Vale was adopted, Payne is homegrown.  They are a little less than 6 months apart.  But they do look a like, and they are very similar in personality.  Payne has been exceptionally supportive of Vale.  

So yesterday, after going on a very long walk with Payne, Vale asks me, “Is it wrong to have a favorite sibling?”   I laughed.  I assured him it was not, as long as his favor doesn’t exclude everyone else.  In fact Vale may find that Payne is his favorite sibling to share troubles and secrets with, but if he wants to go to the ballgame, Payne ain’t the gal for him.  Vale has 5 siblings, he may find that all of his siblings are a favorite for something.

What I think is so neat about Vale and Payne is that both of them have personalities lend themselves to being more closed, more stoic.  These are both children of trauma.  No, Payne wasn’t raped, but she has a lot of physical problems.  She went through two years where she was forced to her knees by a pain syndrome called Reflex Neurovascular Dystrophy.  It took a long time to diagnose, and it was brutal to treat.  She will always have it has a partner in her life.  So, although it is not the same, Payne understands what it means to suffer.  And her quiet, steadfast sometimes intrusive devotion to Vale makes this journey a little easier. 

You know what’s ironic?  I think Payne is helping Vale to heal… but I think he’s helping her to heal too.

A favorite

No.. it’s not a post about fallout, like I said I was going to write.. still going to do this.  But I thought I would post something slightly different.

Vale and his “twin” Payne are close.  The twin is in quotes because they aren’t really twins.  Vale was adopted, Payne is homegrown.  They are a little less than 6 months apart.  But they do look a like, and they are very similar in personality.  Payne has been exceptionally supportive of Vale.  

So yesterday, after going on a very long walk with Payne, Vale asks me, “Is it wrong to have a favorite sibling?”   I laughed.  I assured him it was not, as long as his favor doesn’t exclude everyone else.  In fact Vale may find that Payne is his favorite sibling to share troubles and secrets with, but if he wants to go to the ballgame, Payne ain’t the gal for him.  Vale has 5 siblings, he may find that all of his siblings are a favorite for something.

What I think is so neat about Vale and Payne is that both of them have personalities lend themselves to being more closed, more stoic.  These are both children of trauma.  No, Payne wasn’t raped, but she has a lot of physical problems.  She went through two years where she was forced to her knees by a pain syndrome called Reflex Neurovascular Dystrophy.  It took a long time to diagnose, and it was brutal to treat.  She will always have it has a partner in her life.  So, although it is not the same, Payne understands what it means to suffer.  And her quiet, steadfast sometimes intrusive devotion to Vale makes this journey a little easier. 

You know what’s ironic?  I think Payne is helping Vale to heal… but I think he’s helping her to heal too.