Can I just say I’m finding it so hard to sit here and post as of late. It’s hardly because I have nothing to say, on the contrary, I find myself having so much to say and being so angry about it all, that it sort of clogs up my ability to write about it.
I want to write more about the fallout. 90% of my day is spent cleaning up from the collateral damage. It’s so wearying and so trying and makes me so frickin’ angry because I know that there is no recourse, we just have to move through it. And while we’re struggling to deal, I need to keep myself together and that is enough of a challenge in of itself! You know what one of my biggest difficulties is? Menu planning. Ridiculous, right?
I want to write about the injustice I’m learning about in our judicial system and society against our male victims. We want our boys to grow up and be good strong leaders of tomorrow, but how in the heck are they going to do that if we ignore their sexual assaults?? Why can’t we as a people recognize that? And then we tsk tsk our men because they objectify women, become emotional cripples or closed off or become perps themselves. ”You know men, they can’t control themselves” uh, NO. We told them when they were young that sex is something that we use as a power play and no, we don’t care if you’re hurt by it. Good lord, how can they learn how to value other people if we can’t teach them to value themselves???
I want to write an open letter to my son’s perps. I want to tell them all the things I would do to harm them had I the chance, how they’ll meet their Maker one day and the price they’ll pay then. Do I even want to open that can of worms?
I want to write about the fantastic men and women I’ve met who’ve either walked this road as survivors or as parents of survivors. There is one young man who Vale knows that was assaulted by his 4 friends. He was gagged, tied, stripped than sodomized by these boys, because after all ‘boys will be boys’ (that’s what one perp’s frickin’ mother said!). This is a gorgeous young man who wants to grab the world by the tail and shake it, but can’t quite keep his feet under him.
I guess I wanna say the word frick a lot too, judging by what I just wrote, but okay.