Transparency

So I’m on this little mission to encourage more openness and transparency in Vale.  Believe it or not the kid is rather shy.  People are drawn to him, in fact it’s kinda crazy sometimes, but he gets tongue tied and so he can struggle.

However, he’s insanely good looking.  I know, I know I’m his mom, but seriously he is.  We have been told, from probably 20 independent sources, that he should model.. Yeah… the anorexic boy should be thrust into that industry.  I think not.  He gets told he’s cute hot handsome no.. sexy.  Can you believe that?  It thrills me that peers at school refer to him as Sexy Vale (well, his real name which makes an alliteration, but you understand), my 16 year old.  Yeah totes luvs.

My husband came home from work and reported that someone wrote on the equipment at his job (where Vale works) that “Vale is so sexxy”.  I mean really?  And the icing on the cake (and then yeah, I’ll get off this diatribe) his immediate superior told Vale that he should model for Calvin  Klein, calls him Calvin and says, “you just have that appeal”.  Sexual harassment anyone?

So back to the transparency.  So you have all these good looks, people are naturally drawn to you… what are you going to do with it Vale?  Open up, share your story.. bits of it, sure, slowly… one day at a time.  People will listen.  You can do more for your peers who are struggling, suffering and longing than perhaps their parents, teachers, doctors, shrinks, etc.  Moreover, chronicling how God has worked in you, helping you heal, can do more good than we can even imagine.  Makes me think of the televised debates of the Kennedy vs Nixon presidency.  Kennedy, although not nearly as articulate or bright swept those debates because he was far better looking.  There’s so much opportunity to whisper change into people’s lives.  Resounding hope.

I’ll let you know if he bites.  I dare say, for the first time, he’s really thinking about it.

You were broken, abandoned
And crying all alone
We were waiting and praying
And longing to bring you home
And then we saw your face
In a moment you were wrapped up in our hearts
We took a step of faith
And now here we are

Will you let me hold you in my arms tonight
I have come so far to find you
So far to find you
Will you take my love and give up the fight
I have come so far to find you
So far to find you

From a world away, I journeyed
Just to hold your hand
You will never be alone again
I’ve come so far to find you
So far to find you

You were fighting and fearful
You were hiding your heart away
But I was trying so hard to show you
‘Cause there were no words that I could say
If you could see my heart
You would know that all I want to do
Is care for you

Here in your eyes I see
Reflections of myself
How I’m the child that’s really running
But I can hear a voice (of God) that’s whispering my name
Saying come to me, don’t run from me
I’m all you need and I am calling

From Heaven’s throne
Down to a rugged cross I came
It was My love for you that brought Me all the way
So far to find you
So far to find you

You were broken, abandoned
And crying on your own.

Written by John Mark Hall, Stephen Curtis Chapman

When I heard it I thought of Vale… of how after 8 years later he still has distrust.  I wonder, how long until he stops fighting and enjoys being safe.

May 31st

Profound title is it not?  Per Vale’s request WalkingThroughWithVale has been deleted.  I apologize if that causes any inconvenience, he just felt he didn’t do enough on the blog and wanted it down for the time being.  Perhaps one day, he’ll pick up a keyboard and start blogging again.

Yesterday is one of the first days that I’ve been able to open my eyes to progress.  I am so thankful to our Heavenly Father for all his gifts, His goodness and His fingerprints all over Vale.

“Hope is the thing with feathers 
That perches in the soul 
And sings the tune without the words 
And never stops at all.” 
― Emily Dickinson

Fried Chicken Tizzy

Never knew that fried chicken could change your outlook and inspire hope did you?  Vale, out of the blue, told the family that for some reason he was craving fried chicken.  If you know anything about anorexic behavior, you know that they don’t crave *anything*.

Needless to say that the moment the family got home from church, Payne hopped on that computer to find the closest KFC.  A nearly mad scramble was made to obtain these nearly holy grail-esque poultry pieces.

Mom wasn’t home.  She’s in Rhode Island with Grey.

Vale reported… he ate like a boy. ;)

littlespacecase:

Men’s Issues
  • Societal expectations of masculinity
  • Societal expectations to provide for women
  • No long term reversible male birth control
  • Men who are raped are more likely to remain silent and be dismissed or outright laughed at 
  • Unfair treatment in child custody battles
  • Alimony 
  • No support for male victims of domestic abuse

Not men’s issues

  • The friend zone
  • Women not dating you
  • “F***ng femnazis”

Honestly… don’t get the bottom portion of this post, but I do appreciate the top.  So true.

(via brainywords)

Source: littlespacecase

gracebrownphoto:

ten photos from my series project unbreakable that remind me every day why i do this work and why i will never stop:

because it is our duty as humans to lessen the suffering of others, and if we can take a moment to bear witness to these words, we are able to carry the weight of them just a little bit.

—

project unbreakable is a series created in october 2011 featuring photos of sexual assault survivors holding quotes from their attacker, quotes from their friends/family regarding the abuse, or statements from themselves regarding the abuse.

(via projectunbreakable)

Source: gracebrownphoto

Q:Hi, I found this a few blog a few minutes ago and I just wanted to say that I think your amazing for what your doing. I wish that my mother would help me as much as you do with your son. Anyway I figured you would like to hear a thank you, and honestly you deserve one. :)

Anonymous

Thank you so much for your kind words.  I usually shy away form the word “deserve” because anything that I do is because God is so good to me, and that goes through me to others… at least most of the time.

I don’t know your mom, but often times I find moms just don’t know what to do.  But if your mom isn’t there for you, find support somewhere because our God created you for a special and unique purpose.  Don’t you want to find out what that is? <3

Q:Everything is really confusing and overwhelming, and I'd like to burn myself some more, but I wont.

unhappyandme

I’m glad you won’t… hurting yourself won’t make anything less confusing or overwhelming.  It may help it disappear in the immediate, but it is still there on the horizon.  Reach out, there is support to be found, often in the least likely of places. <3

brainywords:

mainlydownton:

girlfromlaer:

brainywords:

Brainy’s facebook conversation with her mother: a photo essay.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

*DYING*

YOUR MOM SHIPS TESSILY???? HA

only because she knows it gets on my nerves. she spent the rest of the conversation telling me how she was writing Morning/Emily fic. xP

NICE!!!  Making fun of your mother on TUMBLR!!!  I’m so fanficing that ship!

Yesterday, (Saturday), wasn’t a bad day. I woke up to the “Bug song” on the alarm on my phone. I forgot to turn it off the night before, maybe forgetting that the following day was saturday. We went out to Ollies, to get thank-you cards, and chapstick. (Winter in the Northeast really kills your lips) Then we went to Zumos (A coffee shop in the green ridge section of Scranton). I ordered cheese cake, with a cinnamon steamer. When we came home, I asked mom if I could go up to the park (Nay Aug) to take some more pictures for my Fall Shooting Assignment in my photography class in school. I did get some decent pictures, but mother nature decided to give the wyoming valley a crappy year for fall foliage. The park has beautiful trees,a nifty (maybe twenty feet high?) tree house, an awesome gorge, inspiring trails, and I don’t know how else to describe it, it’s beautiful. The only problem with the park is that it has a deserted zoo. A few years ago it had a cougar, but kids loved to bang on the (was it a cage, or glass?) and it annoyed the crap out of the poor thing. It kept pacing back and forth, back and forth, staring at the kids, like it wanted to claw them all up. To take a break about this thing, I’m sorry I have to write about this. My mom is pretty annoyed about the whole “Cougar” thing, where it is considered more acceptable for an older woman to date or have sex with a younger man, or boy, than it is for an older man to have sex with a younger women, or girl. I’m watching this episode of Numb3rs, and it’s about how this older 30 year old woman is using this 17 year old boy. There going around, killing people, stealing money, cars, etc. I’m not quite sure what the end game is, but it’s still upsetting. Why is it more acceptable for an older woman to have sex with boys, but not men to have sex with girls? I’m not saying I want men to have sex with girls, but it’s still upsetting. Seeing who society twists roles, and everything. My mom typed up on the internet yesterday something like “women sexually using boys” or whatever, and it came up with the top ten cougar movies. That’s celebrating statuotory rape. But when she looked up “men sexually using girls” (again, something like that) all it came up with was porn! People say, “oh that’s disgusting for men to have sex with girls!” but….it’s…ok for women to do that with boys? Sorry, THAT doesn’t make any sense. And people say and think that boys have dirtier minds than girls, (dirtier? Why?) I asked my mom about that and she because boys start thinking about sex and having it, and more, than girls do. And that’s true, but that doesn’t mean that boys are dirty. Sorry, I was kind of jumping around there. So, we were just fooling around on the rocks in Nay Aug park, pretending to fight like soldiers, like most boys do. And, there’s this cool little ridge near the path above the gorge, that has two eye holes, and they’re big enough, you can crawl in them. Anyways, they tried to charge me, but I took this really long branch and pretended to set it on fire, and threw it at them. So, one of my brothers blocked it and it bloodied up my finger. Like, pretty bad. Dark, royal, red blood covering my finger, and pouring onto the rock. I think it’s healing all right, but it still looks pretty red, and maybe a little swollen, I’m not sure. I’m going to stop talking so I can go back with my brothers, maybe even to see my blood is still there.
Also, in my last post I said that it’s een two weeks since I last cut, that was an error. What I meant to say was: I threw up a few weeks ago.
Also, I just wanted to add that, I believe Paterno should’ve been fired (like he has), but at the end of the season. Why not let him just finish the season. Yes, he does deserve to e fired, obviously, because he didn’t follow through like he should’ve, but I still believe that he should’ve been allowed to finish the couple of games that he hasleft. Love, Vale
Walking Through With Vale: Blood Stains on a Rock 
My posts are few and far between, evidently! Maybe I should stop apologizing, maybe im jinxing myself.
Whatever.
I look at my old posts and feel like a different person. I mean, intellectually, I know, “that’s me”. But, I feel like I’ve come so far. And it’s hard to believe.
I’m having a little difficulty blogging right now. So much has happened recently. Maybe some basic updates:
This may be a little frightening to some people, as I have an eating disorder, but I joined track&field. Since I’ve been doing rather well with my eating, I have sort of gained more endurance, and strength. (I did 300 calf-raises with ten lb’s in each hand. And, NO, I’m not bragging about it :p )
I have private art lessons. Which is exciting, as i vastly enjoy art.
I rejoined Choral Society. Not as exciting, but still, important.
I joined Civil Air Patrol. It’s an Air Force Auxiliary. Honestly, the only reason I’m going is because it looks good on college and job applications. The weekly meetings are boring, but the events they hold are (im hoping) exciting, like encampment. Encampment sounds excruciatingly thrilling.
I have promised before hand that I would try and post more, but this time I mean it! If I don’t post within (at least) the next two weeks, you have permission to ask my mom to slap me. If this weren’t the internet, I would’ve given you permission to slap me. This is the internet. Ohhh well … :D
I’ll give more daily things like how track went, or how the “hottest girl in the tenth grade” wants my number. :P Again, so much has happened, and I have to think a bit in order to find out what to post. Our house looks gorgeous all redone and all. The floor is amazing. If I showed a picture of the floor before the flood and after, you would probably spit your coffee on your screen.
The walls are painted attractive colors, and we have refreshingly new furniture. However, the rest of town looks like a dump. I swear every block there is a house that has been torn down, or needs to be. Every third house is for sale. Every other house abandoned.
Okay, those statistics may not add up, but my point is proven. If a person had not been here previously, the whole town would look like white trash.
Oh, I guess this is important. A couple weeks ago was my second birthday. aka, the day I showed my arms (last year) to my mom, the day after valentines. We celebrated by eating Mexican. Just kidding. We celebrated by making those Pandora Project “I am —-” posters. And I also submitted something to speak for RAINN. We did have Mexican though. So, that was a successful, progressive day. Again, I will try and post as much as possible Love Vale
Walking Through With Vale: My Apologies 
I did a rather difficult thing today. I did an interview. I was extremely nervous about it before-hand. I was worried I wouldn’t know how to answer questions, if they were going to be uncomfortable, or if I didn’t straight out know how to answer them. Thankfully, the interviewer and camera guy calmed me down by acting very friendly, and calm. They told me If I felt uncomfortable answering any questions I could just signal that I didn’t want to. God blessed my tongue, because I answered all of them fine, I think!
Now, the aftermath has been a little strange. It reminds me of my speech last year, I felt drained. Physically tired, but mostly emotionally tired. I’m still coming off my high, and I think it’s going to take a while. I actually went outside the window, and sat down. Looked at the mountains, or big hills.. whatever they are, and the trees, and the sun dying down. Just to try and get in control, or find some kind of peace or calming feeling.
(By the way, mom, don’t kill me when you read this) Guys, I might not technically be allowed to go out on the roof XD
Anyways, my hips are doing okay. I fractured them before during track, just in case nobody knows. The process is apparently taking longer than it would with most people because of my eating. Since my body isn’t getting enough nutrients, it is pulling calcium and energy from other bones to heal the hip. “So, if you don’t eat, and your hips don’t get enough nutrients (calcium, vitamin c, protein) you won’t heal, and then you won’t be able to compete in track anymore
Walking Through With Vale: Interview 

Q:I am not a boy. I am a girl. I'm seventeen, and I have three of Vale's diagnosis's. I am also a cutter, and suffer from Dermatillomania. I don't want to overstep any boundaries. I don't want to say I understand anything your son is going through. But my oldest older brother is Paranoid Schizophrenic. My sister has PTSD and can't eat sometimes. And I'm destroying my mother ever day, I know, when she sees my arms. So I'm reading your words, to understand you as a woman, as a mother, like mine.

unhappyandme

I hope that you find my blog helpful?  As a parent is is extremely painful to watch your child suffer so much.  On the other hand, being there for him now gives me hope that he’ll have a full life later.  It’s a small price to pay.

But I would like a nap. ;)

Keep in touch, okay?